February 01 2007
God That’s Good Tucker
posted by Steven Shaw at 7:44 amOne of our alert readers spotted this context sensitive text ad on the world news page of the NZ Herald site:
Curiousity got the better of him and he followed the link through to this site, selling care packages for US Army personnel stationed abroad.
For only US$60.99, you can send a box full of sugary snack products, a stress ball(!?) AND an uplifting book of Bible stories to the Grunt of your choice.
The “God Can Handle It” Treats Care package include: Smiley Face Stress Ball, Oreo Cookies, Cheez-Its, Snyder’s Pretzels, Animal Cookies, Brent & Sam’s Chocolate Chip Cookies, Planters deluxe Nuts, Starburst, Skittles, Jelly Belly Jelly Beans, Gardetto’s snack mix, Peanut M & M’s, Kraft Gift Box, plus… the God Can Handle it book with over 100 pages of uplifting stories, quotations and bible verses. (Hat Tip to Dunk)
Meanwhile, for the more health conscious: Food For Life is the place to order organic breads, muffin mixes and cereals like the original Ezekiel 4:9® flourless bread. It’s inspired by the Holy Scripture verse, “Take also unto thee wheat and barley and beans and lentils and millet and spelt and put them in one vessel and make bread of it.”
Lucky they didn’t go for Ezekiel 3:26: “Moreover, I will make your tongue stick to the roof of your mouth…” — or the passage from Ezekiel 25:17, quoted by Jules (Samuel L. Jackson) in Pulp Fiction: “And I will strike down upon thee with great vengeance and furious anger those who would attempt to poison and destroy my brothers. And you will know my name is the Lord when I lay my vengeance upon thee.” ["I been sayin' that shit for years. And if you ever heard it, it meant your ass."]