Spare Room Be our guest…

By Kirk MacGibbon

Poor old Richard Worth. First, he gets sacked for unsuccessfully chasing a piece of crumpet. It has to be said though, one pretty hot, exotic piece of crumpet indeed. Given her choice of husband, and his conviction on immigration fraud charges indicating at least a predilection on her part for making poor choices, you’d have to say that unWorthy must have fancied his chances. His critical error appears to have been not checking out her political affiliations first, and of course not recognising the inherent risk in putting his purile little thoughts into texts.

And now it’s cost him his Parliamentary career too. As far as Tory sex scandals go, it was all pretty tame. Not a hint of stockings or suspenders, no fruit, no PVC. Just some lame texts about buying a see-through top. I guess this makes King Dick the political equivalent of the sporting world’s Brent Todd. Tried, convicted and sentenced for actually being completely unsuccessful at his designated mission.

He’s hardly the first MP to make a fool of himself over a woman, but I guess when you’ve got the straightest Prime Minister since Geoffrey Palmer in power – when I worked in the Labour Research Unit I was told a story about Palmer, incensed at the scale of intra-party copulation taking place at the time, storming into the Research Unit director’s office demanding that ‘the f#@king has got to stop’ – it most certainly doesn’t pay to stray.

Key found his wife at university and has been with her ever since, so he was never going to view seedy little dalliances with much enthusiasm, or even understanding. In fact, for a guy who lived and worked in New York during the boom years about all we know he actually got up to was an admission that yes, he’d visited a strip club. And in the state of New York, by law strippers must keep a g-string on at all times. I thought that entirely defeated the concept of even going to a strip club and so never even bothered.

Besides my experience of New York was that the American tradition of ‘dating’ meant all I had to do was order a drink in a loud voice and there were plenty of women keen to get naked, once they heard my ‘English’ accent… Sorry, got lost in memories there for a moment.

Anyway, it appears Key has been watching too many Helen Clark movies because he certainly moved with alacrity to excise unWorthy from his administration. The disgust Key obviously felt towards Worth was palpable and so, not only was Worth sacked, but it was made abundantly clear that that sacking was not going to be temporary. And Cabinet posts are decided solely by the PM in the National party, unlike Labour, where the Cabinet is elected by caucus, with portfolios being allocated by the Leader, so there was no way back for Tricky Dicky.

I’m thinking that one of our ‘news’ services should get over to Egypt and do some digging (haha) around the infamous camel ride he apparently took in preference to representing Her Majesty’s Loyal Opposition at a ceremony to commemorate the Maori Battalion. I reckon there was definitely a camel involved, but I’d bet it was almost certainly of the ‘toe’ variety…

Read more posts by The Outlaw:
The Age of Insulationism
Budget 09
Super Cities and Charles Dickens
Giving Credit Where it’s Due
Independent Foreign Policy and Jetpacks
Of CEO Styles and Pedalling Wealth
Being Rankin’d and other tales from the Gulag Archipelago
Of History and Relevance
Humpty Dumpty and putting things back together again
Where’s Our Government?
Of Honeymoons and Little Men