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“But if you’re looking for fast love, fast love in your eyes. It’s more than enough.Had some bad love, some fast love is all that I’ve got on my mind” – George Michael (fast love)

I was spending a quiet Friday at my mate Dan’s house. We were sharing a jazz cigarette on his verandah and lamenting the lack of girls in our lives. It had been a bit rough of late. My life had become a pornographic film, except that I had been skipping through the sex scenes and just watching the so-called plot. Dan casually mentioned that he had a sort of date lined up on the following Wednesday. When I asked what he meant by sort of, he told me he’d found a way to meet women that was like changing the channels on your television. I was both lazy and intrigued…

By Kirk MacGibbon

If there is one expression I absolutely hate, it is ‘Do as I say, not as I do’. It was the last-gasp, dictatorial pronouncement of the parent caught pants-deep in hypocrisy. And so it has proved to be with the paternalistic, condescending gaggle of ordinariness that comprises the National party.

Finance Minister Bill English might as well have resorted to the expression instead of attempting his pathetic ‘I’ve got more important things to do’ comment when questioned about his machinations to claim an increased housing allowance…

I am all for breastfeeding – in public, in private, on a train, in the rain, with a fox, in a box…but this is just odd.

A Spanish toymaker has made ” Baby”, the world’s first-ever breastfeeding simulator, er…doll, designed specifically to promote the ‘breast is best’ message. The doll comes with a special cropped halter top – with two daisies to symbolise nipples – that little girls wear while they pretend to breastfeed. The doll allegedly makes sucking noises when lifted to the daisies.

By Kirk MacGibbon

I was intrigued by Chief Justice Sian Elias’s floating of the idea of using prisoner amnesties as a mechanism to reduce our prison population – and not just because this particular Chief Justice was one of the more controversial judicial appointments of recent times. That she would not have been appointed to her position by the Nats is axiomatic (ha! I’ve waited 30 years to get that word into a sentence ever since hearing Hawaii 5-Oh!’s Danno use it sent me scurrying for a dictionary)…

A Facebook group parodying the phrasing of the smacking referendum revealed the idiocity of the question nicely. The best included:
1) Should P manufacturing, as part of good entrepreneurship, be a criminal offence?
2) Should rape, as part of a good date, be a criminal offence?
3) Are you opposed to free icecream, and a little bit of genocide?

A referendum ad generating site dedicated to the parody of the smacking referendum question has created over 2500 billboards. And now, this truly biting, topical satire…