Spare Room Be our guest…

By Kirk MacGibbon

These are weird times, and not just because the King of Weird, Michael Jackson decided to confound everyone and moonwalk off this mortal coil. The King of Pop was almost immediately joined by the 70s Queen of Popular Culture, and the most famous angel of them all, Farrah Fawcett. Apparently she was only with Charlie for a single season, but it was enough – that and a red one-piece bathing suit was all it took. Take note, Paris Hilton. Farrah succumbed to cancer. I believe it was cancer of the rectum, which you don’t hear much about, thankfully…

“Young love so strong has never been a part of me, young love hold on we’re feeling it now, is this the way it’s meant to be?” – Air Supply

I jerked awake, there was a familiar digital scream emanating from the other side of the room. I made my best effort to sit up, but I hit the top of my head on a hangover. I immediately sank back down on to the bed, retreating from the reverberating pain in my head bits. I figured that if I lay motionless, my headache would get bored and wander off in search of something else to do. Experience has taught me that this tactic never works, and my phone continually ringing only helped to make up my mind. I had to stop the phone and drink some water as soon as possible. I slid along my bed and on to the floor, resembling a slightly retarded salamander, and fished my phone out of my bra. I placed it to my head and said “hel-hang on MY bra?”…

French Elbow responds to a reader’s letter about an on-off, on-off again relationship. Excerpt below…

“…How do you start fishing again after such a hectic ride? How do you take the bad parts of something so silly and make it into something good? I know I have been put through the ringer and let him. I know that he probably feels the same, but how do you make the need to go back stop!!!!”

Well Kerry, where does one begin? When we sought out readers to ask for advice on their love life, I really didn’t plan on receiving a question like yours. It was 1,506 words long. I simply can’t wait til the hardcover edition comes out…

By Kirk MacGibbon

Poor old Richard Worth. First, he gets sacked for unsuccessfully chasing a piece of crumpet. It has to be said though, one pretty hot, exotic piece of crumpet indeed. Given her choice of husband, and his conviction on immigration fraud charges indicating at least a predilection on her part for making poor choices, you’d have to say that unWorthy must have fancied his chances. His critical error appears to have been not checking out her political affiliations first, and of course not recognising the inherent risk in putting his purile little thoughts into texts…

By Kirk MacGibbon

So here’s what I reckon about Bill English’s ‘Bill-ya-later’ budget. If nothing else, and make no mistake about this, the budget was a spineless and simpering effort that drove a stake through the heart of New Zealand Superannuation as a universal benefit available to everyone from age of 65…